Theo knows he shouldn’t have come. He’s already got the beginnings of a headache, and the music is only getting louder. A couple passes him, laughing loudly, and he flattens himself against the wall, but not fast enough to dodge a drunken step. Ouch. That girl’s stiletto hurts. And she didn’t even notice.

When he stares into the mess of slick, crowded bodies and gaudy neon lights, he feels like he’s going to be sick. The air is heavy, the lights are blinding, and he really, really wants to go home. There’s a new video game waiting for him back at his dorm room. But Angela had managed to drag him here, and he’s not going to just leave her alone. What if her drink gets spiked or something? She’s a girl. She’s obviously more experienced with this type of thing, but if something bad happens to her, then he’ll know it’s his fault. So.

So, he has to brave the crowd and find the only person he calls his friend.

The only person who’s making him suffer this Friday night too. He groans.

Being tall at least makes it easier to look through the crowd, but he has a hard time squeezing through the stubborn guests. He accidentally spills a girl’s drink, offers her an apology after she shoots him a death glare, and then almost hits his head on a low-hanging beam.

Angela, where the hell are you?

She hasn’t been answering her texts. He doubts she can hear it over the noise, anyway. He peeks into packed room after packed room, searching for a familiar head of dark hair. He pities whoever has to clean this mansion next morning. A bedroom flooded with balloons and confetti. A coffee table repurposed for a messy game of beer pong. And right in the middle of the living room, holding court, is the king of the party scene, Duke Winters: blond, blue-eyed, wickedly handsome, and a raging asshole. Being second son means he isn’t the heir to the Winters Group, and Theo is grateful for that. Stupid name and stupid personality. They’ve got English Literature together; Theo sits at the back because he knows he’s too tall, while Duke and his friends sit in the middle, goofing off and generally disrespecting their professor. He often spots him on the same bench by the main field too, surrounded by all his cronies, all of them eating his words up like he’s Jesus himself just so… what? He’ll invite them to his yacht?

Duke is telling a story about some hotel in Paris, and right on cue, everyone laughs. He turns, momentarily distracted, and meets Theo’s eye in the doorway. Theo’s face burns as he makes a quick exit, embarrassed at being caught staring. Well, thank god Angela isn’t there.

He tries everywhere else, then runs out coughing when he accidentally enters a hot-box room full of smoke. The few people he recognizes don’t know where she is either, and by now he’s not sure if he should be worried or not. Angela is the spontaneous type, bright and bubbly and extroverted, and their friendship is a miracle in itself. If they didn’t sit next to each other in Psych 101, he doubts they’d ever have crossed paths. If she didn’t drag him here, he wouldn’t have attended the party at all. Now he’s in a too-tight shirt and too-tight jeans (that she gifted him with so much excitement he couldn’t reject it) and too much misery.

She has to be okay, he thinks. Last he saw her, she was chatting with some girls from the fencing team. She’s probably hanging out with the rest of them and forgotten all about him. He’s overreacting again. She said he’s prone to that.

He really shouldn’t have come.

Now he’s gross and sweaty and exhausted. Theo winds down the staircase and shoves his way through the crowd, which seems to have only gotten bigger. It takes an eternity to find the kitchen, and then longer to locate not one, but two locked bathrooms with suspicious noises from inside. Eventually, he gives up. His heart soars upon remembering that this house has a garden.

Well, the main garden is being trashed, so he sits on the steps of the kitchen exit and stares into the neighbor’s lawn. It’s far enough that the vast yard seems like a black ocean, disturbed only by the random sprinkler or ornamental ceramic bird. A dog barks in the distance, only to be shushed. Here, the music is muted, almost bearable.

Theo’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He digs it out immediately.

Last message, sent 10:45 PM

Where are you?

Angela

Angela, where are you

Seen 11:59 PM

sorry didnt see this! hallway beside blue parlor

U still there?

He’s decided. He’s going to see her off and head home.

He doesn’t remember where the blue parlor is, but thankfully she adds more directions. This wing of the house is quiet, cozier, calmer. Or maybe because it’s now midnight, a lot of them have lost their energy. He hopes. It’s not like he knows.

All Theo knows is that he finds Angela standing exactly where she told him. Right in the hallway beside the blue parlor, her head tilted upwards as she animatedly talks to someone else.

Theo freezes.

Duke Winters is leaning over her, leering really, with a strand of artful blond hair hanging across his brow. Alarm bells start going off in Theo’s head.

“Angela,” he says. It comes out rougher than he intended, but Angela smiles when she sees him. Duke steps back and offers a bland smile, hands tucked into his pockets.

“Theo!” she sings. She bats his arm affectionately. He crowds against her and offers Duke a death glare. He’s unaffected, of course, though it seems that his smile has gotten wider. “I thought you went home.”

His face flushes with heat. “I was going to. But I got worried about you.”

“You’re so sweet. You know I’m fine. Don’t let me keep you, okay?”

“I didn’t know you were with… Duke.”

“You two know each other? That’s great!”

“We have English Lit together,” Duke interrupts, glancing at Theo. “With Gomez. What a bore, am I right?”

“I think it’s interesting,” Theo grinds out.

“Ah.” His lips quirk into a sharper smile, almost mocking. “You always were a star student.”

What’s that supposed to mean? Theo wants to say, but Angela is gently pushing him backwards. She throws Duke a pleasant smile.

“Loved chatting with you, Duke. See you around!” Angela chirps. She drags Theo away and Duke gives a little wave. As soon as they disappear around the corner, she links their arms together. “Theo. That is not how you make new friends.”

“Duke doesn’t have to be my friend,” Theo grumbles. “He was being awfully cozy with you.”

“Oh, give him a chance. He’s very nice.”

“Why can’t you just go out with Henry? I liked Henry.”

Angela laughs out loud.

“Theo, please.”

~*~

 

The moment Mr. Gomez arrived late, Theo should’ve known something was up.

“For your next project,” he announces, “we are focusing on dialogues. I want you to break off into pairs and choose a specific dialogue from any of the plays on our syllabus. One entire scene, please. Practice it with your partner, really get into the emotions of the characters. Both of you will then submit a paper, done as a pair, analyzing each perspective…”

A pair paper? Theo is already inwardly groaning. He isn’t sure who to ask. The shy kid next to him? Or the girl right in front, who seems smart enough but already has a ton of other friends…

Mr. Gomez clears his throat. “Out of fairness, you will be assigned alphabetically.”

There’s a collective groan. Mr. Gomez ignores it and starts rattling off names.

“Miranda Ang and Althea Brown. Victor Bernard…”

Theo taps his foot impatiently as everyone else waits for their name to be called.

“…and Beatrice Velasquez. Theodore Wicinski and Duke Winters.”

What.

No. Way.

Duke turns his head and absolutely beams. Hi partner, he mouths.

Theo swears a shiver runs down his spine.

Hell no. Theo is not going to be paired up with him. Duke probably won’t do any work. He’ll probably dump it all on Theo. He’ll—

Soon enough, Duke is sauntering up to him. Theo stammers, still in his seat. Everyone else has found their partners, and Mr. Gomez has given them the rest of the period to discuss the project.

“Hi,” Duke says. He rocks on his heels for a moment as Theo takes him in—boat shoes, very tight jeans, a skinny polo—and then plops himself into the chair next to Theo’s. “Long time no see.”

“Duke,” Theo manages ungracefully.

Duke smiles. “Theo,” he replies in the same tone. “Hello. I guess you’re going to show me just how interesting this dialogue is, huh?”

That snaps Theo’s defenses back into place. He narrows his eyes. “I’m not going to do all the work here.”

Duke raises his palms in a placating gesture. “I wasn’t expecting you to. I know the meaning of group project. Now, did you already have a scene in mind or…?”

Yes, actually. Theo does have a scene in mind. He flips through his notes and tries to ignore Duke’s gaze burning a hole into his forehead.

“Um,” Theo starts. “I was thinking about Act II, Scene V from Dyachenko’s Temper. But I’m okay with anything. What about you?”

Duke hums. He’s resting his chin on the palm of his hand, and leaning awfully close. “Fine with me,” he sings.

Have you even read that far? Theo resists the urge to ask.

“Okay then. Do you want to take Bella or Leo’s role?” He expects Duke to take Leo’s. He seems like the type of guy who would hate playing as a woman.

“Which one is more interesting?”

“Um. Bella is letting her heart out and confessing everything she feels. Leo is all cold because he knows they can’t be together and figures that it’s better to make her think that he doesn’t love her. Bella gets more and more desperate, and then angry.”

Duke’s grin widens. “Ooh, how romantic. I’d like Bella’s.”

Theo blinks. “Okay. I guess I’ll take Leo’s.”

“Out of curiosity, why did you choose this?”

Because it’s the point in the story where their true natures and feelings are revealed. Because everything they truly mean is hidden between the lines. Because Leo struggles between love and duty, and Bella knocks it all over because she only cares about love. Theo can’t imagine it, that kind of freedom, but he admires it in a person.

Instead, Theo confesses, “Because it’s the easiest and most interesting scene to analyze, and I think our paper will get an A.”

This time, Duke’s grin is positively feral.

“Great job, partner.”

 

~*~

 

They meet at an obscure cafe three blocks away from campus, tucked neatly between a laundromat and an antique store. The fancy wooden panelling and fragile glass bulbs make Theo nervous, but Duke insisted on meeting him here. He finds Duke on the second floor, right next to wide picture windows. There’s already a giant cup of coffee in front of him, as well as a half-eaten plate of healthy gourmet sandwiches and… sweet potato fries?

Duke pops one into his mouth as he says hello.

Theo mumbles hello back and settles into the chair across him, clutching his satchel protectively. It’s good that Duke’s already ordered; he doesn’t think he can afford anything more than a cup of coffee here.

“Did you have trouble finding this place?” Duke asks.

Theo shrugs. “A little.”

“Yeah, the food is overpriced and shit. No wonder nobody knows about this place.”

Theo almost chokes on a laugh. “Then why did you want to meet here?”

Duke’s grin is wolfish. “Because that means they won’t kick us out.”

They get started on the work. Duke is surprisingly cooperative, and while he hasn’t read as far as he should have, he’s a quick learner. When the waitress starts to make her presence known, he orders another cup of coffee and another plate of fries for the both of them. Theo doesn’t think the food is too bad.

Eventually, there’s a lull in the work.

“I didn’t expect to see you last Friday,” Duke says conversationally. Theo looks up from his laptop and raises a brow.

“I didn’t expect to go there either.”

Duke chuckles. “Yeah, Angela told me how she had to drag you there herself.”

Alarm bells go off in Theo’s head. Angela. That’s right. Duke had been standing awfully close to her at the party. Is he interested in her? Is he befriending Theo to get close to her? Theo frowns. Angela can do a lot better, and if she had to date someone, he’d prefer it wasn’t a fuck boy like Duke Winters.

“You should come to the next one,” Duke continues, unaware of Theo’s increasingly paranoid thought process. “On the 25th. Another Friday. Same place, but less people. It’ll be a pool party. You can bring Angela along too. I haven’t told her yet.”

Theo’s instinct is to reject the invitation and make up some excuse. But if he doesn’t go, then Duke will invite Angela anyway, and then she’ll be all alone with this creep…

Unless he can convince her not to go?

“…I’ll think about it,” Theo says, and then cringes at how uncool that sounds.

Duke smiles anyway. “Nice. Let me know, will you? Do you already have my number?”

Theo blinks. “Not yet.”

“Here it is.” He leans over and shows off his phone. “Look, give me yours too.”

They exchange numbers, and Theo tries to brush aside how weird this feels. Duke is awfully friendly. Is it just because he’s trying to get on Angela’s good side? Or has Theo misunderstood him all along?

When he looks down, he realizes two hours have passed and he hasn’t even noticed.

“Crap, I have to go,” he mutters. “How much do I owe you for the fries?”

Duke waves him off. “Don’t bother. It’s on me.”

“Are you sure? I ate most of it.” He cringes inwardly.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll message you later. About the project.”

Theo can ignore the weirdness. At least his partner isn’t going to be an absolute leech.

 

~*~

 

He doesn’t tell Angela about the party, or about Duke. She knows they’re partners, but she doesn’t know that they’re friends. Sort of.

They’re in the middle of poetry class when Theo’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He ignores it. It buzzes again, and again, until he sneaks an angry peek, ready to shut it off.

It’s a message from Duke. Theo scowls and finds him sitting in his usual spot like nothing is amiss.

I dont get it

I’m falling asleep heer

*here

Theo resists the urge to roll his eyes. He knows he should ignore him. But he can’t help it.

Maybe you’d get it if you actually paid attention.

Harsh bro

Another student prattles on about their interpretation of the piece. Gomez nods and builds up on his reading.

That was dumb

What?

Everything he said was wrong

I thought you didn’t get it

I get enough to know that what he said was wrong

So u agree tho? Ur saying that u think it’s dumb too

Theo almost chokes.

Poetry has no wrong interpretation

Coward

Although I agree that his reading has no basis on the text

Mm ok mr fancy pants. Basically u agree with me

I didn’t realize you were paying attention now

I pay attention to you

Theo chokes. Before he can formulate a reply, the three dots appear, signalling Duke’s incoming message.

U explained this part to me remember?

I like listening to you explain it better

Theo stares a hole into the back of Duke’s head, but he never looks back. He expects another quip, a smile, even a wink. But there’s just silence. And he doesn’t know what to say, so he shoves his phone into his pocket and listens to another student drone on about an uninspired reading clearly stolen from SparkNotes.

~*~

 

“Sorry about the mess,” Theo says. He cleaned up as best as he could on such short notice, but he knows his mother would still find something out of place. Duke probably won’t notice, but he wonders what the other boy is thinking. The university dorm is tiny, almost depressing, and he has to kick the heater to make it shut up most days. It’s a far cry from the Winters’ mansion.

“What mess?” Duke grins and does a little twirl, taking in the entirety of the room. “It’s spick and span, soldier.”

“Uh.” Theo straightens out a cushion on the floor, beside the low coffee table. “You can put your stuff down here. Do you want a drink?”

Duke obediently takes a seat, legs crossed, and grins. “Vodka?”

“I meant something like coffee.”

“Some people put gin in their coffee.”

“I’d like to live ‘til I’m seventy, thanks.”

Duke bursts into laughter. “You are so uptight.”

Theo straightens, self-conscious. “I’m not!”

“You are!” This time, though, his grin isn’t mocking. “It’s all right. It’s cute.”

Theo almost drops the mug in his hands. His face flushes with heat and he ducks his head, fully aware that he’s blushing. He manages a strangled question—it’s barely a word—but by now Duke has turned away as if he hasn’t said a thing.

“I would’ve brought some beer if I’d known,” Duke jokes. “Maybe next time, hm?”

“Sure.”

“What drinks do you like?”

“Hm?”

“What do you like to drink?”

Theo turns to find Duke staring at him intently from his place on the floor. It’s so weird seeing him like this, at home in his room. Theo never would have imagined this scenario in his life. Duke with his carefully combed hair, his designer loafers, his silky shirt that’s been unbuttoned to a ridiculous extent, as if this is the beach, so that it reveals two layers of golden necklaces and a stark collarbone. And when Theo realizes he’s been silent too long, he glances up quickly, only to meet a very amused pair of blue eyes.

“I don’t like alcohol,” he blurts out, because it’s true and he needs to say something before this gets too awkward. He cringes at how it sounds. Duke only nods.

“But you like coffee? Specialty coffee, finely brewed, all that stuff?”

“Um, yeah. How’d you know?”

Duke eyes something behind Theo’s shoulder. It’s only then that he realizes the cupboard is still open, and his French press is visible, tucked behind a ceramic mug. The warmth floods his face again, for an entirely different reason. He shuts the cupboard.

“I promise I’m not pretentious about it,” Theo says and rushes towards the coffee table. He takes a seat and clears his throat, grabs his satchel with all his notes.

“I didn’t think you were,” Duke says. It sounds honest enough. “I think it’s pretty cool. I can’t even tell the difference between that and instant.”

Theo can’t resist his bark of laughter. He looks up from his notes, face less warm. “Really?”

“I’ll drink anything.” Duke shrugs one shoulder. “But there’s an art to it, isn’t there? You know, there’s this specialty cafe a few blocks from my place. I think you’d really—”

A knock on the door interrupts him.

“Sorry.” Theo stands. “I’ll get it.”

There’s a slanted twist to Duke’s mouth. He stops talking, but Theo is too distracted to notice.

“Hey!” Angela greets as soon as he opens the door. “You weren’t answering your phone.” She peeks inside, startles, and then waves at Duke. “Oh, hi! Sorry, I didn’t realize you were busy.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No.” Angela snorts. “It’s 6 PM. Thursday. Our weekly dinner, remember?”

Theo blanches. When Duke asked to come over earlier that day, he’d completely forgotten everything—including all other plans. He knew he should have said no, but their schedules were so different that this might have been the only chance they’d have all week.

“Oh no,” Theo mumbles. “Oh no. I’m so sorry. I forgot.”

“It’s okay,” Angela waves him off. “Rain check?”

“I promised you. I can’t just…”

“Hey, I get it. You don’t want to leave him alone.” She leans over his shoulder. “Duke, do you want to join us?”

Duke is still slumped over the floor, an arm resting on a folded knee. “I wouldn’t want to impose,” he says, shockingly polite.

“No worries. Last time I brought my own friend over. Remember Rebecca? Anyway, you’re the only other person Theo is spending all his time with, so I’d really like to hang out with you.”

Theo wants to slam his head against the doorframe. Duke himself seems shocked. It takes him a moment to compose himself, and then he’s smiling, all charm.

“Sure,” he drawls. “How forward. I like it.”

 

~*~

 

This Thursday dinner of theirs has been one ritual Theo refuses to break. They’ve stuck to it since the first semester. He usually prefers his own company—other human beings are so exhausting when all he wants to do is eat—but Angela is the sole exception.

Yes, he’s tried befriending other people before. He isn’t entirely friendless. But inconsequential small talk about class and TV shows and whoever is currently screwing who doesn’t translate into a ride-or-die bond. When Theo, ex-straight A student, almost broke down because he failed his first Chem exam, it was Angela on Thursday nights who told him everything would be all right. And whenever Angela had a terrible date, or had a fight with her roommate (“a total slob,” she would groan), it was Theo she clung to, ranting and raving while they shared a pizza.

Angela has brought other people to their Thursday nights before, but they’re usually just female friends. One time she tried to set a girl up with Theo and that was such an utter disaster that she never tried again.

So maybe Angela is inviting Duke because she thinks he counts as Theo’s friend, but Theo doesn’t see it that way.

“So what were you up to?” Angela asks as soon as the waitress leaves their table. Thursday nights are pretty slow, which is why they chose this schedule. And the cheap diner, normally packed with drunk students early in the morning, knows not to kick anyone out.

Their favorite booth is fine for two people, but a bit tight with a third. Duke’s long legs fight for space against Theo’s own, and his shoulder is warm against Theo’s forearm. Angela sits across both of them, perfectly comfortable.

“Working on our paper,” Theo says.

“Just hanging out,” Duke says at the same time.

They look at each other, confused. Theo isn’t sure whether Duke looks more embarrassed or annoyed, but then Angela bursts into laughter.

“Oh, yeah,” she says. “Studying together is what counts as hanging out in Theo-speak.”

Theo’s ears are warm.

“Are you being a good partner?” Angela asks. He’s not sure if she’s joking. “Theo won’t stand for slackers.”

“I’m pulling my weight.” Duke nudges him. “Tell him, Theo. Defend my honor.”

“What honor?” Theo says flatly.

Angela’s loud laugh garners a few nasty looks from the other customers.

“Theo, you are so mean to me.”

“Fine, you are a good, hardworking partner who does not slack off.”

“Why does it sound so painful for you to admit that?”

“That’s my normal voice.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I’m so glad you two are getting along!” Angela claps. It’s only then that Theo realizes how close they’ve been sitting while sniping at each other. Duke’s eyes are lighter than he originally thought. There’s a smug twist to his mouth, and the moment the image registers in Theo’s brain he finds himself pulling away, face warm.

He no longer presses against Duke’s shoulder.

The waitress interrupts them by setting down their food. Angela orders the same thing each time—all-day breakfast even though it’s 7 PM. Theo and Duke order the same thing, house burger with fries, and Theo distracts himself by stuffing his face with food. At least if he’s eating he can ignore the warmth of Duke’s thigh pressing against his—no matter how far he’d scooted away, damn it—or his bright laugh whenever Angela says something particularly funny.

That’s the good thing about Angela. She takes Theo’s silence in stride and fills it with her own voice. Now the two of them are having a nice back and forth, an untraceable conversation that went from football to a new TV show to the latest sewing project Angela’s been working on to Duke’s museum visits in Rome. Theo tries to chime in, but everything falls flat. He isn’t as funny, as interesting, as pleasant.

Duke and Angela are similar in a lot of ways. They’re both charming, cheerful, and likable—as much as Theo hates to admit it. Somehow, they’re already fast friends. They definitely have more in common with each other than with Theo, and sometimes he feels lost, left behind, like one day they’ll both realize he isn’t worth keeping up with.

The food sinks into his stomach like a stone.

It was fine, Theo thinks, when it was just the two of them. Two is company but three’s a crowd, and clearly he’s the one that doesn’t fit.

Duke leans over the table, whispers something conspiratorial. His eyes glimmer. Angela bats him away.

“Come on,” Duke is saying. “Convince Theo for me.”

“He won’t just do something because I ask him to.” Angela snorts.

Duke changes tactics. He turns towards Theo and slings an arm over his shoulder. Theo freezes, but Duke only shakes him genially.

“Theooo,” Duke whines. “Come to my party this Friday. Please.”

“I can’t swim,” Theo blurts out, utterly distracted by his proximity.

“Who cares! Wear your swimsuit and hang around the bar. Look, bring Angela. The three of us can hang out.”

“Bet you just want an excuse to see me in a swimsuit!” Angela teases.

Duke winks. “‘Course. Why wouldn’t I pass up the opportunity?”

“Ugh, Duke, you flirt.” Angela laughs then, clearly enjoying it. “I’ll think about it.”

Theo carefully shrugs off Duke’s embrace.

 

~*~

 

“Are you okay?” Theo asks that Friday night. “You’re kind of pale.”

Angela buries her head in her arms with a groan. “You know, girl troubles… I think I’m going to throw up.”

Theo won’t admit it, but he’s glad that she’s staying home—that he’ll have an excuse to hover around the dorms instead.

 

~*~

 

“You weren’t there,” Duke says, “last Friday.”

Theo shrugs. “Angela was sick.”

“Oh. Is she okay?”

“Now, yeah.”

There’s an awkward silence on the other end of the line.

“You,” Duke clears his throat, “you really care about her, huh.”

“Yes.” Theo frowns. “She’s my best friend.”

You should care too, he thinks, if you like her so much.

His mood has already begun to sour. He shouldn’t have forgotten that Duke was like this. They might be friends now, but he’s still—

“So,” Duke drawls, quickly changing the subject. By now the silence has gotten painful. “I got these premier tickets to that latest superhero movie.”

That’s a weird change of topic, Theo thinks.

“I figured you’d be into that, right?” Duke continues. “I got two tickets for the advanced screening on Wednesday night. 8 PM. My brother knows the publicist. I don’t want to waste them… So what do you say, eh? Wanna watch it with me?”

It takes an eternity for the words to register.

“Theo? You still there?”

“I… can’t. I have an exam.”

“On Wednesday night?”

Thursday, actually. “I have to study.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’ll just—I can find someone else. Good luck. I bet you’ll ace it!” He laughs.

This conversation grows more and more painful. Theo isn’t sure what he feels exactly, but it isn’t pleasant. He just wants to be left alone. There’s just one final loose end remaining.

“About the paper,” Theo starts. “Now that it’s almost finished… I can be the one to submit it on Monday.”

“Are you sure? I can drop by Gomez’s office, no big deal.”

“No, it’s fine. I have a class near the English Department anyway.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks! When we get that A, we better celebrate.”

“Sure. Um.” Theo pauses, then murmurs, “I have to go.”

“Oh, sure. I’ll text y—”

He hits end call before Duke is finished.

~*~

 

Duke sent a photo.

It’s dark, blurry, taken surreptitiously during class. Gomez has his back turned. A red arrow has been drawn on the image, and it’s pointing to the back of his head.

I told u Gomez was wearing a wig

Bet u cant see that clearly from the back

Crap I didnt read it. Whats he talking about?

Sent Friday, February 1

 

Do you think dogs give their humans names too?

Sent Saturday, February 2

 

My parents are forcng me to attend some stupid fundraiser tomorrow. Which suit is better?

Duke sent two photos.

Two mirror selfies, each one perfectly poised. The first with Duke’s hand in his hair. He’s in a burgundy tuxedo, cut sleekly to accentuate the slim lines of his body. Tight shoulders, tapered waist. He looks perfect. He always does.

The second photo is almost exactly the same, but his suit is floral. Black and white. And this time, he seems to have forgotten to button up his shirt all the way. His tie hangs undone around his neck.

My bro is such a buzzkill. Said I look like I’m going to Vegas. He has nooo sense of style. Boooring

U 2 would get along

Jk jk. U arent boring

Shit. Your exam. Sorry I forgot. Good luck!!

Sent Wednesday, February 6, 5:02 PM

 

 

Theo doesn’t mean to ignore him. There’s still a part of him that warms upon reading each silly message. Duke must have a thousand other friends, so why bother sending these to Theo at all? But every time he tries to reply, his mind blanks. He remembers Angela, Duke’s disregard for her, Duke’s casual cruelty, his insistence on getting all up into Theo’s personal space.

It’s strange. They haven’t seen each other outside of class all week. Duke doesn’t usually approach him anyway; he’s always surrounded by his cronies. And Theo has to rush to another class on the opposite end of campus, so he never stays behind. But now that they’ve submitted their paper, there are no more coffee dates. He cringes at the word. No, not a date. No more hanging out. There’s no reason to.

He’s sitting in bed, notes scattered around him, unable to focus, when his phone buzzes again.

 

I passed my Accounting midterm!

80% bitch!!

Read 6:32 PM.

 

Theo shuts his eyes tight and types a message.

 

Congrats. I knew you could do it 🙂

This is going to be the last time, he tells himself.

 

Theres a new cafe on the Block. Super pretentious looking. Wanna go and roast it together?

Get it?

Theoooo

Read 11:42 AM.

 

~*~

 

Theo figures he’s doing a good job of keeping Duke out of his head until he comes home to find the guy sitting in front of his dorm room.

He tries to return behind the corner but it’s too late. Duke’s spotted him, and running now would be mortifying. So when Theo approaches, he swallows thickly and tries to ignore the way his pulse drowns out the rest of the world.

“Hi,” Duke says. There’s an edge to his smile, and despite the casual way he leans against the wall, Theo can tell his entire body is tense. This is what he used to look like, before they were friends: cold, mean, beautiful. An absolute dick. “You haven’t been answering my texts.”

“I’ve been busy,” Theo replies. He shoves his key into the lock, but his hands are shaking too hard. He swears. He tries not to look at Duke, but Duke leans forward, invading his personal space anyway.

“Too busy to say hi? Listen, let’s grab dinner. I know your first class tomorrow won’t start until noon. We haven’t—”

“I can’t tonight.” The door swings open. Theo bounds inside, ready to shut the door. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“You’re avoiding me!”

Duke’s grip on Theo’s wrist is strong, almost painful. Theo’s entire body seizes with panic. But it isn’t the grip that registers, isn’t the realization that everybody on their floor can hear, isn’t even the awkward way he’s shouldered past the door. It’s Duke’s voice, high and raw and hurt.

Don’t be a brat, he wants to snap. You’re a grown man. But now his chest is tight with guilt. What has Duke done to deserve this, really? Absolutely nothing.

Duke pulls away as if burned. He must be embarrassed too. But before either of them can say anything stupid, Theo drags him inside and shuts the door behind them. Releases Duke and then turns away, taking a deep breath. He’s still clutching his keys like they’re a lifeline.

“Just give me a minute,” Theo says. Duke is thankfully compliant. Maybe Theo takes his time in switching on the lights, setting down his things, removing his jacket. Maybe he lingers in the kitchen, making two cups of coffee just because he needs to be busy. Duke takes a seat on one of the cushions, a silent reminder that he’s not leaving.

When Theo slides a mug towards Duke, he finds that the other boy’s face has softened. It isn’t angry anymore. Just hurt. And now Theo knows he can’t kick him out, not unless he wants to ruin this friendship beyond all repair.

“Did I do something wrong?” Duke asks. “Did I offend you? I’m sorry.”

Theo shakes his head. “You haven’t.”

“Then why…” he trails off, too embarrassed to complete the sentence.

Theo warms his hands with the coffee but refuses to take a sip. Duke doesn’t touch his cup either.

Why does it matter? Theo wants to ask.

He’s too afraid of the answer. Maybe it won’t matter after all.

Duke fidgets in his seat, a far cry from the usual charming face he puts on. He really does look miserable, and by now Theo’s guilt is unbearable. It isn’t fair. No matter what he does, no matter which way he goes, it all hurts.

“I don’t get it,” Theo says softly. “Why me?”

“What?”

“Why did you bother with me? Our project is over. But even then, you didn’t have to text me all the time, or hang out with me, or get close to Angela.”

Duke’s face is artificially blank. “Do you hate spending time with me that much?”

“No!” And that’s the problem, isn’t it? Theo doesn’t hate him at all. He scoots away, runs a hand through his hair. Duke just watches him quietly. “I don’t. I just don’t understand why you—why you bother with me.”

There’s a beat of silence. The door is right behind him, and Theo itches to run. But he tries to stay put. Duke blinks at the table, at his hands. Behind him, the sun sets, visible through the open window. A girl laughs outside, her voice floating through the air.

“You’d watch me,” Duke finally speaks, “all the time. I thought you were just shy. But every time we talked, you acted like you hated me.”

He laughs weakly, sways. Oh god. Theo has the urge to lay a hand on his shoulder, but he isn’t sure that’s right. He’s afraid to bridge the gap between them, to reach out and touch. Because a simple action like that is so laden with meaning; it can’t easily be brushed aside, can’t easily be forgotten.

“I’m not used to it,” Duke murmurs.

“Not used to what?”

“People not warming up to me.” He smiles joylessly. Glances at Theo and then looks away again into the distance. “Every time I thought I made progress, you’d suddenly pull away again.”

“I’m not⁠—” Theo starts. He swallows. “I’m sorry.”

“What did I do to you? How have I… hurt you?” His voice finishes with a low whine. It’s simultaneously so embarrassing and pained that Theo isn’t sure which of them flinches harder. Why is Duke laying himself bare? Why is he being so honest? Theo’s cheeks are burning. He hates himself suddenly. He’s responsible for the wet, wobbly, pathetic tilt of Duke’s voice.

He should feel smug. Duke Winters, knocked off his throne. Feeling vulnerable and weak for once, the asshole. But instead, Theo swallows.

“It’s not fair,” Theo starts. He focuses on his hands too, refusing to meet Duke’s gaze. “You have everything. You’re so… handsome, and rich, and you have all these friends. Everyone likes you—”

“Not everyone,” Duke bites.

“Besides me, I mean. You’ve got the whole world handed to you, and you’re so gorgeous and perfect that it drives me insane—”

Oh god. What is he saying? Why can’t he shut up? Duke is staring at him now, slack jawed. He can feel it. But the words are pouring out of him like a waterfall, and he’s powerless against this force of nature.

This is the one thing he had never admitted to himself until now.

“I wish,” Theo gasps, “I wish I were like you. I wish I was just as handsome and good with people. When we became partners, I thought you’d be another leech, but you weren’t. You were actually smart, and funny, and you tried to be my friend. I’m not good at that, befriending people. Angela is all I have. I knew you had your eyes set on her, so I wanted to protect her. I didn’t want you to take her away from me.”

“Hey,” Duke says. His voice is strange, seemingly far away, even if he’s sitting right next to him. When he did switch sides? “Theo, please, look at me.”

“I don’t…”

There are hands on Theo’s shoulders. They turn him around gently. He can sense Duke leaning in, desperately trying to meet his eyes. He refuses.

“Theo,” Duke murmurs. “You don’t understand. I’ve never been interested in Angela.”

“What?” His eyes snap towards Duke’s wide blue ones. He’s too close. Theo pulls away, and Duke lets him.

“I’ve never been interested in Angela,” Duke repeats. “I was only kind to her because I knew she mattered to you.”

“What are you saying?”

Duke stares at him, lips pressed together, brows furrowed, hands fisted in his own lap. There’s only one explanation for this, and Theo automatically rejects it. This is impossible. He can’t possibly mean…

Duke’s shoulders stiffen even further.

“Are you in love with her?” he asks quietly.

“What? No!” Theo almost chokes. “She’s my friend. Nothing more! She’s like a sister to me!”

And no matter how hard he’s tried, he’s never liked any girls. Not that way.

Duke’s shoulders fall. His face softens the tiniest bit. “I’m glad to know that.”

“But if you don’t like Angela, then… then…”

Duke’s smile is bitter. “Go ahead. You’re smart. You know what this means.”

“You can’t possibly like me.”

“I’ve been flirting with you all this time, Theo. I don’t understand why you haven’t noticed.”

Theo stares, frozen. His mind goes horrifyingly blank. All that he registers is Duke, lovely Duke, with a bitter tilt to his mouth, his blue eyes almost swallowed by black pupils, and his hand two inches from Theo’s own.

He doesn’t know what he feels right now. All that he knows is that it’s unpleasant.

So Theo does the only thing he can think of.

He runs.

 

~*~

 

There aren’t a lot of places to go from here. It seems unfair, Theo thinks, that his entire understanding of the world has been flipped upside-down and nobody else knows that anything is wrong. The other students are in their own worlds—music and conversation and laughter and TV shows blaring—and Theo realizes that there’s nobody he can call. Not really. If this had been something else, he would’ve called Angela. Maybe even Duke. They would understand.

They’re his only real friends, and maybe that’s depressing. He doesn’t want to lose Duke, he realizes suddenly. He can’t imagine losing those mean texts during class, that boisterous laugh, that endless stream of conversation that makes up for his silence. Thinking about it objectively, Duke has always been nice to him. It was Theo making things up, Theo’s prejudice talking, Theo’s insistence that someone like him could never be kind.

Could never be likable.

Theo doesn’t like most human beings. Maybe the problem isn’t them. Maybe the problem is him…

He shakes his head. There’s no point in self-pity right now. The only point is that he has to go back.

He can fix this.

Theo rushes back to his dorm, so quickly that the world is a blur. “Duke,” he cries out, only to stop in place, a hand on the doorway, as he discovers that nobody’s there.

Theo’s heart seizes. Of course he isn’t there. He might never want to talk to Theo ever again after what he did. And no amount of regret or guilt will change that moment, that rejection borne out of fear of himself.

He spins around, ready to leave. And then just as he passes the measly balcony at the end of their floor—so dark and inconspicuous that he would have missed the figure if his hair weren’t so bright—someone catches his eye. Duke sits there with his head in his hands, muttering something, something…

Theo stumbles back.

The noise startles both of them. Duke looks up, and for a terrifying moment his eyes are wide and liquid. And then he blinks, and they harden, glacial. Theo storms into the balcony before he can speak and say something even crueler.

“Wait,” Theo starts. Duke pulls back, hits his elbow against the railing. They stare each other down. The two meters between them feels simultaneously too close and too far away. “Duke.” His throat is parched. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Duke says. It comes out harsh, so he forcibly softens his words. “It’s no big deal. Look, forget about it. I know you think it’s gross. Just—”

“No, no.” Theo steps closer. Duke tenses up, and Theo hates himself for it. “It’s not gross. I was so stupid. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Can we go back to when you didn’t fucking know any of this again?”

“I don’t hate you,” Theo grits out. His hands clench into fists at his sides. The confession feels like pulling teeth, but he knows he has to get it out. Something inside of him finally makes sense. It’s so terrifying, but… “I was jealous of you; I always have been. And I was jealous of Angela.”

Duke’s expression is brutally stern.

“Because I thought you liked her. I thought you were just using me to get close to her. But I wanted you to like me… for me.” Theo laughs. He’s always prided himself on his intelligence, but turns out he’s the biggest dumbass on earth. “I couldn’t imagine someone as amazing as you flirting with someone like me.”

Duke is silent.

“I don’t think I’m making any sense,” Theo rushes. “I… I like you too. You drive me insane, but I like you too. I’ve always liked looking at you. And I like listening to you. And I like…” He trails off.

“You’re serious, right?” Duke murmurs. He’s still guarded, but the voice is soft. “You’re not just fucking with me? Because I can handle rejection, Theo. What I can’t handle is any fucking pity.”

“I’m serious!” Maybe it’s his fault that Duke doesn’t believe him. Theo hasn’t made it easy. “I wouldn’t joke about anything like that!”

“Then you’re really…”

“Really dumb, yeah.” Theo swallows.

Duke shakes his head. “You’re not dumb. You’re the most brilliant guy I know.”

Theo’s face is burning. “Flatterer.”

Now Duke’s smile is back. The real one. “A little slow, but brilliant all the same.”

“What do we do now?”

“What?”

Theo’s hands are shaking. “What do we do now?”

Duke gives him a measuring look. That beat of silence is as still as a held breath. Theo wants to come close, to breach the distance between them, but he’s still so afraid. This is achingly new to him. He doesn’t want to mess it up.

“Whatever you want,” Duke says.

For the first time, Theo realizes he can breathe.

 

~*~

 

It’s very difficult to concentrate with a foot sliding up his calf and pressing the inside of his thigh.

“Stop it,” Theo snaps, face flushed. He kicks Duke under the table. Duke only laughs. “We’re in public.”

“There’s no one here.”

“This is still a library.”

“You’ve been studying for an hour. Aren’t you bored? I’m bored.”

“Don’t you have an Accounting final?”

“Psh.”

A few more minutes pass in silence. Just as Theo’s absorbed in theories, someone shuts the book in his hands. Theo blinks, frozen with the audacity of it all. And then before he can move, Duke yanks the book away and slides it under his sweater. Grins at Theo, all angelic, like he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“G-give it back,” Theo mutters. He swipes at Duke’s torso, but the other boy leans out of reach. “Duke, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Come and get it then, you nerd.”

Maybe it’s the way he’s grinning at him, or plain instinct, or his tone of voice—mocking yet weirdly fond—but Theo plays right into his trap. He rises, approaches, and then gives Duke a withering stare.

Duke’s smile doesn’t lessen. The book bulges against his stomach. His hands are clasped in front of it protectively.

A beat passes. Then Theo dives in, a hand peeling away the hem of Duke’s shirt. Duke slips out of his grip, bangs his knee against the table, swears. The table shakes. But he’s laughing, and Theo manages to capture him in his arms, holding him tight so he can’t wiggle free. Suddenly the world is too hot, and Theo is hyper-aware of his heart pounding in his ears, but he won’t give up. Duke’s back is snug against his chest, and he almost breaks Theo’s nose with his skull with all his wriggling, but he’s not trying too hard to escape, not really. Duke pinches his arm—playing dirty now, is he—and so Theo traps him against his own body with a palm on Duke’s chest and another one shoved inside his sweater. His knuckle makes contact with the edge of the book. There’s a loud thump, Duke’s yelp, and then the book flops to the ground in a disgraceful heap.

“Um,” says a new voice.

Theo freezes, which has the unfortunate effect of keeping his hand underneath Duke’s sweater. He’s still wearing a shirt beneath, but his palm is flat against the warmth of Duke’s stomach, the gentle curve of it, surprisingly soft given his lankiness. Duke turns his head first, and Theo feels like he’s going to die.

Please don’t ban me from the library, he thinks.

“Hello, Angela,” Duke says. He’s smiling now, as if nothing is wrong. Theo isn’t sure if that’s worse. He finally pulls his hands free and steps away, going as far as humanly possible. With the table and chair between them, he feels slightly safer.

Angela looks at him curiously. And then she laughs as she sets her backpack on the table. Theo had completely forgotten that she asked to study for their Psych final together.

“I’m impressed,” she says, glancing at Duke. “Theo hates PDA.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Theo mutters.

“He does,” Duke says, pulling up a chair the same time Angela does. “He still won’t kiss me in public.”

“Start small,” Angela replies. “Go for a little cheek kiss. Work your way up while his brain is still processing things.”

“Wait,” Theo says, still standing like an idiot. “Wait. Why are you two—why are you acting like this is perfectly normal?”

“Being gay is perfectly normal,” Angela says. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“That’s not what I mean. Why do you—how long have you known? Did Duke tell you?”

“Oh, no.” That’s a relief. “I just figured it was obvious with you fondling him in public.”

“I wasn’t fondling—”

A librarian hushes them. Theo cringes.

“But I’m very happy for you,” Angela continues in a softer voice. “About time, if you ask me.”

“I should’ve just asked for your help from the start,” Duke muses. “I thought he was in love with you.”

“I thought you were in love with her,” Theo grinds out.

“Oh my god, no.” Angela waves a dismissive hand. “No way. You know, I think Theo liked my ex a lot more than I did. If he wasn’t so condescending I would’ve set them up together. But Henry isn’t good enough for any of my friends.”

Theo hides behind a textbook. “Can we get back to studying now? Please?”

 

~*~

 

They’re in Theo’s dorm room. It’s private here, even better than the library, and for once Theo is glad that Angela’s gone. He sits on the floor, back to his bed, with a book in his lap. An assigned reading for Modern Literature. The words all blur together now. He can’t concentrate. And no, it’s not because Duke is lying on his bed behind him (his bed), busy tapping on his phone.

“Does it bother you,” Theo voices out, “what people think when they see us together?”

“Hm?” He feels Duke roll over.

“I just remember that thing Angela said. Don’t your friends… don’t they find me weird?” Do they even know you like boys? In the first semester Theo was sure Duke was dating a tall redheaded girl. She was pretty, but also a little mean, and always carried a Starbucks tumbler around.

Duke’s arm dangles off the edge of the bed. He wraps it around Theo affectionately, some strange upside-down embrace. Duke’s phone lies screen-up on the mattress. The Instagram homepage blares brightly.

“They’re not really my friends,” Duke admits. “But don’t worry. They know better than to say anything bad about you.”

“What does that mean?”

Duke smiles at him lazily. He really is handsome, even upside-down. He’s close enough to kiss, but Theo grounds himself by clasping the arm around his torso.

“It means that anyone who pisses me off will suffer for it.” As if that isn’t intensely foreboding, Duke flattens a strand of hair against Theo’s temple. Theo swallows.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You aren’t… embarrassed by me?”

“Honey, I would have kissed you in front of everyone if I wasn’t sure you’d run away from it.”

Theo’s face burns again. Duke sits up, and Theo ignores the pang he feels when his arm slides away.

“Anyway,” Duke says, “you’re too hard on yourself. I know at least three girls who have been dying to chat you up. You’re really hot, you know, when you’re glaring broodily from afar. Like that Mr. Darcy guy, from the movie with Keira Knightley? Man, I had a crush on both of them as a kid.”

Theo chokes.

“You were the opposite of subtle. That’s why I was sure you were just shy. But then I thought I misunderstood you and looked like a complete idiot, so that sucked.”

“I won’t run away,” Theo says.

“Huh?”

Theo turns. Duke is much taller than him now, sitting on the edge of the mattress like that. He forces a moment of bravery.

“If you kissed me in public now,” Theo says, “I won’t run away. I promise.”

And before Duke can reply or, god forbid, laugh, Theo surges up to kiss him. Their noses bump together, disorienting both of them for a hot second. Duke flounders, loses his balance, and then grabs the closest thing in reach—the front of Theo’s shirt. Theo collapses on top of him, chest to chest.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps. “Are you okay—”

Duke shushes him with another kiss. His lips are warm and soft, and his arm holds Theo in place. Theo’s brain shuts off just like that, so all he registers is the heat of it all: fingers in his hair, fingers holding his jaw, a lovely mouth prodding his open. He makes a disgraceful noise and so Duke laughs, the noise rumbling right through his chest.

A kiss on his mouth, a kiss on his jaw. The hand trailing down from his neck to his chest, to the side of his ribs. It tickles, but he doesn’t want to move lest Duke assume he’s pushing him away. And Duke beneath him, beautiful and solid, his chest rising and falling with equal intensity.

His heart is pounding so hard he thinks it’ll spring out of his chest. They’ve made out before, but something about this moment feels different. Hotter, more tense, more serious. Duke encourages him, whispers for him to continue, don’t be scared, it’ll be all right, yeah? Like he’s some skittish animal, not a twenty-year-old boy balanced on his elbows, too afraid to crush the one beneath him.

Duke’s shirt has ridden up to reveal a pale flash of stomach. Theo touches it on impulse, barely a flutter, and then watches as Duke leans in.

He’s aware, suddenly, of how tight his jeans have gotten. How much he wants to slot their hips together. He buries his face in Duke’s neck, mouth open in a shuddering gasp, as Duke’s hand massages his hip, flutters across his abdomen, and then unzips his jeans. He lets Duke tug it down, exhaling now that he’s free of constriction, and then stiffens again when a hand ghosts against the front of his underwear.

“Please,” he begs, strained, but the words are a garbled mess. Duke chuckles, his voice sending a shiver down Theo’s spine.

And here again is where he loses focus. His heart is pounding in his ears, louder than his own voice. He grinds against Duke on impulse, but then Duke wraps his long fingers around his cock, strokes it softly, and then more insistently, and, well—

He doesn’t last very long. The moment the fog lifts from his brain, he’s mortified, but Duke is kissing his cheek, his jaw, his mouth. When Duke lifts his hips, Theo dives down.

They don’t leave the room until long after that.

 

~*~

 

Duke knows Theo hates parties, so he stops nagging him to attend. But Theo decides to come to the year-ender for the hell of it this time. Besides, Angela is here, and so are a few of his classmates from Modern Lit. Maybe it won’t be all bad.

The moment he enters, Duke spots him. He calls him by name, loud in the crowded room, and then saunters up to him, arms thrown open for a hug. Theo readily takes it, but then Duke startles a hundred people by greeting Theo with an excited kiss.

Music aside, the room goes so silent you could hear a pin drop.

But then Angela is cheering, and so is that girl from Modern Lit, and as the conversation resumes all around them, Theo kisses back.